Nigerian dancer and singer Korra Obidi has opened up about lessons she learnt from her marriage, sharing 10 things she wished she knew before getting married.
Obidi, who said she got married at 26 and was divorced by 31, shared the lessons in a video posted on social media.
She said her experience taught her to pay close attention to how a potential partner treats her, how their behaviour makes her feel and the kind of person she becomes in the relationship.
According to her, love should not leave a person constantly anxious or negatively affect their wellbeing.
“I got married at 26 years old. At 31 years old, I was already divorced. Here are 10 things I wish I knew before I entered marriage,” she said.
- Pay attention to how their love makes you feel
Obidi advised people to observe how they feel around the person they intend to marry, noting that someone can love them while their form of love remains toxic to their wellbeing.
“The way they are loving you, how does it make you feel? Do you feel anxious, or do you feel alive? Some people might love you, but their love is toxic for your health,” she said.
- Watch how they treat you when you are vulnerable
She urged people to pay attention to how their partners respond when they are sick or vulnerable.
Using an example of telling a partner that she was unwell, Obidi said the response could reveal how supportive and caring the person would be in difficult situations.
“Pay attention to how they treat you when you are vulnerable, when you are sick,” she said.
- Pay attention to how they respond to your success
Obidi said a person’s reaction to their partner’s achievements could also reveal a lot about the relationship.
She advised people to determine whether their partners genuinely support their success or become critical, controlling or uncomfortable when they begin to excel.
“How do they respond to your success? Are they supportive? Are they your cheerleader, or are they criticising?” she asked.
- Pay attention to who you become around them
The dancer said people should examine the version of themselves that emerges when they are with their partners.
According to her, different people can bring out different sides of an individual, and it is important to determine whether one likes the person they become in a relationship.
“You gotta pay attention to the person you become when you are with them,” she said.
She added that people should ask themselves whether they like the version of themselves that their partner brings out, as it could become more prominent after marriage.
- Think about the power dynamic in the relationship
Obidi also urged couples to consider how power is distributed in their relationships, including who makes important decisions, controls finances and determines religious practices.
“Always think about the power dynamic in your relationship. Who is calling the shots? Whose money are we spending? Whose religion are we following?” she said.
She stressed that power in a relationship should be mutual and that one person should not have to feel small for the other to feel powerful.
“Submission does not mean subjugation,” she added.
- Ensure you have the freedom to express yourself
Obidi said people should consider whether they feel free to speak and express themselves within their relationships.
She encouraged individuals to ask themselves whether they feel unable to speak or whether they have the freedom to express their thoughts and opinions.
“What’s the power dynamic? How do you feel? Do you feel like you can’t talk? Do you feel like you are in a place where you are free, you have freedom to speak, expression?” she asked.
- Stay financially grounded
The dancer also advised people to build financial independence through their careers and ensure they are capable of taking care of themselves.
“Financially, make sure that you are grounded in your career,” she said.
Obidi stressed the importance of being able to provide for oneself, regardless of the circumstances of the relationship.
She said people should not find themselves in a position where another person has complete control over their physical, mental and financial wellbeing.
- Do not ignore warning signs
Obidi’s experience also highlights the importance of paying attention to warning signs before getting married.
She encouraged people to observe patterns in their partners’ behaviour rather than dismissing concerns in the hope that things would change after marriage.
According to her, marriage does not automatically change a person’s character, making it important for individuals to be honest with themselves about what they see before making a lifelong commitment.
- Know yourself before getting married
She also emphasised the importance of understanding oneself before entering marriage.
Obidi advised people to know their values, boundaries, expectations and personal goals before committing to a partner.
She noted that having a clear understanding of oneself can help individuals recognise whether a relationship is healthy and whether they are genuinely compatible with their partners.
- Do not lose yourself in marriage
The dancer further advised people not to completely abandon their individuality after getting married.
She stressed the importance of maintaining one’s identity, career, interests and personal support system while building a life with a partner.
According to her, marriage should allow both partners to grow rather than requiring one person to lose themselves in the relationship.
While reflecting on her own experience, Obidi said the lessons had changed her understanding of love, relationships and marriage